September 2025
As children turn into adults, everything starts to change. There are complete overhauls of their body, mind, and emotions. The last thing they need during this time is a long, awkward, one-time conversation about body changes and sex. Rather than “The Talk” at one singular moment in time, which is probably too late because you’ve put it off, you should consider an ongoing conversation. Having open and honest communication with your child throughout their life allows you to address ongoing changes as they mature.
Protect their innocence. This is becoming increasingly difficult in a world of global connection. Use all of the resources at your disposal, including the Church and family. Teach them what is good. Teach them God’s Word and His standards for holy living. Add limits, filters, and activity monitoring to all electronic devices. Know their passwords and have complete access to everything they have access to. Know what your children enjoy, including music and activities, and be present. Know your children’s friends and their families. In our family, we don’t allow sleepovers. This keeps them from so many potential issues such as bullying, inappropriate social media/movies, inappropriate discussions, and in some case, even experimentation or abuse. Encourage your children to spend more time outside and less time interacting with electronics and media. Just because the world is trying to send a message doesn’t mean you have to allow your children to receive it. Homeschooling is another way we help protect our children. We cannot control what is thought or taught outside of our home, but we can limit our children’s access to it.
Keep communication open and honest. There are definitely age-appropriate conversations; however, that age will vary with each child. I always use the rule of thumb that if they are old enough to ask the question, they are old enough to receive an honest answer. This may be less detailed when they are younger, but it can still be an honest answer. It is also alright to tell them that is all they need to know for now. You can tell them more when they are older. A perfect example of this comes from an account Corrie Ten Boom gave in her book, The Hiding Place. She often would ride the train with her father and use that time to talk to him about things that were troubling her. She records the following in Chapter 2 of her book:
“I suddenly asked, ‘Father, what is sexsin?’ He turned and looked at me, as he always did when answering a question, but to my surprise, he said nothing. At last he stood up, lifted his traveling case from the rack over our heads, and set it on the floor. ‘Will you carry it off the train, Corrie?’ he said. I stood up and tugged at it. It was crammed with the watches and spare parts he had purchased that morning. ‘It’s too heavy,’ I said. ‘Yes,’ he said. ‘And it would be a pretty poor father who would ask his little girl to carry such a load. It’s the same way, Corrie, with knowledge. Some knowledge is too heavy for children. When you are older and stronger you can bear it. For now you must trust me to carry it for you.’”
Your children should be able to trust you as Corrie trusted her father. Give them as much information as they can handle. Give them age-appropriate explanations. Give them an open door and an ongoing conversation. Let them know they can come to you with anything. Have conversations while you drive, when you are reading books, when they are playing, all the time, and anytime. Have a family worship time that doesn’t skip over the “hard things” of the Bible, but addresses what is said in an age-appropriate manner. When they encounter something that you weren’t ready for them to know, handle it lovingly and helpfully. Don’t rush through or shy away from the conversation. If they are in sin, explain to them what the Bible says. If someone has sinned against them, grieve with them and provide them with helpful information so they can process what has happened in a healthy way.
Teach the Truth. The best way for children to recognize sin and deceit is to teach them the truth. Jesus tells us in John 14:6, “Jesus said to him, ‘I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.’” We don’t need to focus on all the sins that are out there to tempt them. We don’t have to teach children to “just say no”. We need to spend time teaching our children the truth from God’s Word. When they know what is true, they will be able to spot what is false. Rather than watching a movie with your children and pointing out all of the sin and error, teach them the Bible, and they may avoid the desire to see the movie altogether. When you have regular conversations with your children, you must rely on the Bible for wisdom and always lead the conversation back to the Gospel. Have regular family worship so that you are giving your children direct instruction from Scripture. Be in church every Sunday so that your children can be edified and admonished by the Body of Christ. Not only will they learn, but they will have other people to whom they are accountable. Greater accountability is always better…it will be greater accountability for you as well!
We cannot completely protect our children from all that is out in the world. The very sins that are out in the world are also a part of their very nature. You cannot stop desires from occurring. However, you can prepare and equip your children to deal with changes and temptations with Scripture. You can be open and honest, and a safe person they can come to with all of their questions. Many of these ideas have come from some courses I have taken at my church, including Raising Sexually Healthy Kids. I highly recommend the courses, information, and tools available from Harvest USA to help you in this ongoing conversation.