October 2025
Adult children who leave the home and begin homes of their own is the goal of every mother. As hard and/or relieving it may be to see your kids depend on you less, a day must come when they leave the nest. As I do not yet have any adult children, I asked my mom, Jayne Kucewicz, to write this particular installment. Next month we will look at a similar topic from the perspective of the adult child as we talk about parenting within an extended family and community.
Adult Children by Jayne Kucewicz
[Please bear with me and my first attempt at writing a blog.]
Of course, I would not be in a position to write to you about adult children if God had not blessed me with three children and if He had not guided my “parenting” throughout their lives. I want to give God the glory for the good and faithfulness I see in my adult children. I confess that anything in my children’s lives that does not follow Jesus or glorify Him is probably at least partly due to some sin or mistakes, or poor understanding on my (and my husband's) part.
As with younger children, I think both parents play a significant role in parenting. Each parent has a different relationship with their child. My relationship with my son is different than each of my daughters. I learned very early on with my children that “what works” with one probably won’t with the others, since children are all different, and our relationship dynamic is different with each. For instance, one child may be compliant and one stubborn. This carries through from early childhood into adulthood. My daughters are very different from one another. My relationship with each is very different, and we “butt heads” in different areas.
Once your children are grown and flown, your relationships change. You don’t see them every day, or even every week or month- maybe even in a year. You really don’t have as much input as a parent. This is where, I think, your role shifts from hands-on parenting to more of an advisory role. Recommending ideas, giving advice, suggesting books to read, maybe even what to look for in a church. Many times, my children will ask for advice, so I prayerfully give it. I must admit that sometimes I give advice when I haven’t been asked for it. I’m not sure if that is always a bad thing, but it can be. I think some parents might try to control their adult children or pressure them to raise their children according to the grandparents' wishes. I think that is selfish and unbiblical. My prayer is always that my children will raise their families according to God’s Word.
The biggest part of giving advice to your adult children is prayer. For specific questions and situations, I try to pray and point them to Scripture if there is a specific thing they haven’t thought of. I usually pray for situations in my kids' lives when I know about them, even if they don’t ask for prayer or advice. Prayer is probably the best thing I can do for my adult children, because it is the Lord who will work; He is the one who can help them most. If your adult child is not following Jesus, the foremost prayer is for them to start following Jesus, to humble themselves, repent, and believe in God. You may also face the situation where you have a “prodigal” child. The definition of prodigal is: 1) one who spends or gives lavishly and foolishly. And 2) one who has returned after an absence. Most prodigal children I have heard about embody both of those definitions. I believe with a prodigal, the only thing a parent can DO is to pray. It doesn’t help to give them more or try to fix the situation they have put themselves in. God must work in their hearts and, like the prodigal son in Scripture, they must “come to themself” and realize the foolishness of the situation they are in, and repent and return. It is difficult, because parents want to spare their children from hard consequences, but when God works in their hearts, it will give them a vibrant testimony to share- of God’s love, mercy, and faithfulness to forgive. This brings much glory to God.
My regular and consistent prayer is for all of my children and grandchildren (and someday greats) to come to know and follow Jesus. I also thank and praise Jesus for the way I see Him working in the lives of my kids and grandkids. And, even though I don’t see Him working in some areas, I know He is always at work and I thank Him for that.
Part of parenting your adult child is “grand parenting”. Many grandparents want or try to spoil their grandchildren, and part of that may include going against parents' wishes. Personally, I see grandparenting as being part of what the parents are trying to teach and model to their children. By disregarding parents' wishes, you make their job and discipline of the children more difficult. I try to ask my kids if there are specific toys, games, books, etc. that they would rather I don’t get for their kids. In the last few years, we have been trying to find “experiences” we can give to the children instead of toys. If I am babysitting my grandkids, I try to stick to “house rules” and Mom’s preferences for snacks, naps, naptimes, bedtimes, etc. Children will push the boundaries; they will try to get a yes from Mema, even when Mom and Dad have already said no. But it is helpful to the whole family if you can keep the boundaries where Mom and Dad have put them, not moving them because you want to do something else. Constantly going against what the parents have said will only bring arguments and heartache…. And maybe they won’t have you come to babysit as much… or maybe at all, because it takes longer to get boundaries re-established once they are messed up. I see a grandparent’s role as parental support, not opposition. Is that parenting of your adult children? Maybe, or maybe it is working together to help them in their parenting.
So, basically, like in any stage of parenting, I try to rely on the Lord’s direction, on prayer, and on improving my relationships with my adult children to help them any way I can. I wish I could say I get to all of the games, recitals, church plays, graduations, etc. in the lives of my children and grandchildren. I don’t, and can’t at this stage of my life, but I can be a “Praying grandma” and help whenever God gives me the opportunity.