August 7, 2020
One of the most sanctifying things you can do is to have children. All of your sins and faults seem to be magnified when you are a parent. You lack sleep and your patience runs thin while you watch little versions of yourself, with a unique twist given by the other parent, run around causing chaos. While people joke about the “terrible twos” and “threenagers”, parents of toddlers know that there are days when we all want to give up. We want to wave our white flag and give in to the little sinner who demands all of our time and energy. However, we also love our children and want them to be successful, productive, members of society. Even on those hard days when we don’t want to carry on, God gives us the strength to continue. We know this stage won’t last forever, which is both encouraging and sad at the same time. Lovinging training our children has both it’s beautiful moments and some of the hardest we have encountered. While I don’t have any suggestions that work every time without fail, I do have some that work most of the time in most situations.
Tantrums are children’s way of expressing strong emotion and often result from some type of overwhelming stimulus, or an indication of overtiredness. They don’t want to do what they are being asked to do or they suddenly develop an aversion to whatever they asked for for lunch. Whether it is outright defiance or a meltdown over melted cheese on their grilled cheese, the middle of the tantrum is not the time to deal with correcting their behavior. They need to get through the emotions of the moment first. During a tantrum, children are irrational and sometimes violent. My suggestion is to take the child to a place where they are safe and leave them there without an audience, if home, I usually choose their bedroom. If my daughter couldn’t be moved, I would leave her on the living room floor and I would move! Ignore the tantrum, and, when they have their emotions under control, address the issue. Some children do resort to self-harm when they are ignored, so I would suggest keeping them from harm without engaging as much as possible. I would also suggest professional help in extreme cases where self-harm is regularly attempted. For most children, ignoring the behavior will cause them to abandon it.
Sleep begets sleep. It may seem like that little energizer bunny needs to be worn out so they are tired at bedtime; however, an overtired child can be just as hard, or harder, to get to go to sleep at bedtime. While all children don’t require the same amount of sleep in hours, under four years of age and sometimes over that, they all need at least one nap. Even if your child resists sleeping, there should be at least one hour of the day when they are required to lay down and rest. If they don’t sleep, that will be okay, but they should have to stay in their bed for that time. While it may be a fight at first, once they realize you won’t give in or change your mind, they will stay there, and they may even fall asleep! This slow down gives their brain time to catch up on all of the learning that has taken place that morning. This also gives Mommy some time alone to rest or get something done without interruption or “help” from small hands. Mommy needs this nap time as much as the children do! If your child does continually wake during the night, make sure to keep it dark and put them right back to bed. Letting a child get up and play in the middle of the night only reinforces that they are allowed to do this. If you don’t want that trend to continue, you have to be consistent in making them stay in bed all night. I also know some parents, who crave a little alone time in the mornings, who give their children a time they are allowed to get up. If they awaken before that time (sometimes using a picture clock or other type of indicator), they are instructed to stay in their bed quietly until it is time to get up. This may help them to know to go back to sleep if they awaken during the night. Of course, there are always exceptions such as health issues, thunderstorms, and other things that may frighten them in the night. Overall, the general principle applies, a well rested child will sleep better than an overtired one.
Toddlers love to explore their world. There are so many things they want to see and do. The question “why” tends to be a favorite around this age as they seek to learn about the world around them. Answering their questions may get tiring, but remember, they are learning! Toddlers don’t always ask first; sometimes they take the hands-on, discovery approach to learning. Every mom cringes as the thought of a two-year-old with a sharpie, and seriously debates reading Harold and the Purple Crayon! Here are some “weird” things that may help you remove that sharpie or crayon depending on the surface to which it has been applied. Sharpie can be removed from a “dry-erase” surface by coloring over it with a dry erase marker and then wiping it off. Of note, this may cause permanent damage to that dry erase marker, so you may want to have a black dry erase marker dedicated to that cause. I have used this technique on dry erase boards, refrigerator doors (smooth), and glass, and it has worked inconsistently on some plastic surfaces. Magic erasers are called that for a reason. They will remove marker or crayon stains from a wall! Be careful when scrubbing a wall, as a magic eraser can also remove paint if too much pressure is applied. Lemon essential oil is also a natural cleaner, and it can also remove stains from the walls and is less likely to remove the paint. Of course, I have known some people who just prefer the excuse to repaint the walls, which also does wonders to cover up that “permanent artwork”. While flat paint is what is recommended by decorating professionals, it is quickly marked up and difficult to maintain with small children. The higher the gloss the easier the clean up. If you do repaint, I would recommend an eggshell type finish with possibly even a gloss or semi-gloss in the children’s bedrooms or playrooms.
Small children always require increased attention. Even in a house “baby-proofed” at every square inch, a toddler can find a way to get hurt. The most common accidents involve some type of fall. Toddlers are excellent escape artists that put a lot of magicians to shame. No matter what gate, door or barrier you have, nothing replaces observation. Alarms on doors can be a help in some cases. Toddlers are just starting to learn how to open and close doors. Sometimes they will even lock them! Sometimes climbing through a window isn’t an option and you have to unlock the door. I have found doors with keyholes of some kind are the best, but not everyone has that key or type of door. Some other ways to open the door include the following: turn the lock with a flathead screwdriver; pick the lock with a bobby pin, butter knife, or coat hanger; call a locksmith (may be a charge for this); or removing the door handle with a screwdriver. Sometimes you can get your child to unlock it for you, but if they are very young, this rarely works. If they are in imminent danger, call 911 & break the door down! Everyone needs to find their own best way to handle their little Houdini. Be gracious to other moms. You may not like that monkey backpack with a tail that attaches to mom’s wrist, but that mom with three kids under five needs some way to hold on to all of them when walking through a store or parking lot! Do what works for you and be gracious to others.
Motherhood is a long, sanctifying road. Whatever your toddler might throw at you, know that there are others who have had to deal with the same situations. It’s okay to call someone else to ask for help. Call your mom; you probably did the same thing to her! It’s okay to cry. It’s okay to feel overwhelmed. Stay consistent; call in reinforcement (Dad can be a great help here); and enjoy those sweet moments as they come along. Fortunately, and unfortunately, this stage doesn’t last forever.