November 2025
The phrase “It takes a village to raise a child” has a lot packed into it. In the way it is commonly used, implying the government should be a part of that decision-making village, I definitely disagree. However, we are not raising our children in isolation. We do have a community that helps and guides us. In the Presbyterian (PCA) church, when a baby is baptized, the whole congregation agrees to help and support the parents in raising the child, specifically to know and love the Lord. So there is an element of community in all parenting. We must consider who is in that community and the role they play.
The church should be our primary community. We are told in Hebrews 10:23-25, “Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful. And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.” These verses are talking about how we can encourage and help each other in our walk with the Lord, including parenting. As mentioned in Titus 2, older women can help the younger women, and older men can help the younger men. We can be learning from others who have gone before us. There are so many godly women in my church who have children, grandchildren, and even great-grandchildren. These women offer wisdom and advice when I don’t know what to do. They remind me that my situation is not unique. When dealing with the loss of a child, I was reminded that almost every family in our church has experienced the same loss. We can grieve together and encourage one another in the hope we have in Christ. When we are overwhelmed by a stubborn child, and it feels like we discipline them more than we hug them, they are there to remind us that being consistent in early childhood lays the foundation for their later childhood and teen years. It is encouraging to me to know that a couple in our church prays for all of the covenant children in our church on a regular basis. They pray for us as parents, as we raise and teach them. They pray not only for the children’s physical well-being, but their spiritual growth as well. We have received so much love, prayer, and care from the community of believers of which we are a part. While parents are the ones accountable to God for how their children are taught, the church also serves alongside the parents, providing additional instruction and care. This community is non-negotiable. Christian families need to be together in community. We should not just worship together for a few hours on Sunday mornings. We should be continually praying for each other and investing in each other’s lives throughout the week. This community is the most important community in your life.
Our extended family may also serve as part of the community in which we raise our children. If there are believers in your extended family, they will serve much like your church. They can pray for you and offer godly advice. I am so thankful for godly parents who can give us biblical advice. We can trust that my parents aren’t going to teach our children something contrary to the Word of God. My parents do have some beliefs that differ from our own; however, they are quick to point our children to my husband for answers in areas where we disagree. They do not teach them anything that contradicts what they are learning from their parents. I think my parents do a great job of respecting the rules of the house and pointing children to their parents rather than giving their opinion. I always feel like my parents are working with us, not against us.
Unfortunately, not every extended family member is of the same beliefs. While we pray for them and can still get together with them for holidays and special occasions, we may not be as close with them as we are with others who share our beliefs. There may be boundaries you have to set regarding what you allow them to share with your children. There are some beliefs and lifestyles that are so contrary to our own that we would not allow those family members to be a part of our children’s lives. Unfortunately, someone living in open hostility to Christianity or someone who would claim that a sinful lifestyle is not only acceptable but worthy of celebrating is not someone we will allow access to our children. There are times when we have to have discussions with our children, outlining that we still love and pray for that family member while also condemning the flagrant, sinful behavior. Many times, people are guilt-tripped into allowing someone to come for Thanksgiving dinner or sharing Christmas with family members who are living in sin. Our primary family responsibility is to our spouse and children. We do not owe parents, siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins, or other extended family the time or attention they are requesting if they cannot respect our beliefs and boundaries. If someone claims to be a Christian and still continues in sin, refusing to repent, 1 Corinthians 5:11 tells us, “But now I am writing to you not to associate with anyone who bears the name of brother if he is guilty of sexual immorality or greed, or is an idolater, reviler, drunkards, or swindler - not even to eat with such a one.” You have every right to tell your gay, transgender sibling that they are not welcome to come to dinner in your home. You can tell your sibling living with someone to whom they aren’t married that they cannot stay in your home when they come to town. You can tell your extended family member practicing a different religion that they are no longer welcome in your home because they continue to teach your children beliefs contrary to your own. If the rules and boundaries you have set are not honored, that is cause to ask someone to leave. Sometimes these issues can be worked out; sometimes you need to sever ties.
Others in the physical community in which we live may also serve as part of our community. As with extended family, boundaries are necessary. If they are not Christians, you need to be clear about your beliefs and your expectations for interactions with your children. Again, you do not owe your neighbors any kind of loyalty or extend invitations; however, if they are someone respectful of your boundaries, they may be great additions to your community. We have an elderly neighbor who chats with our children, and they cheer her on in her physical therapy. We have taken her treats and visited her in the hospital. That being said, we are not that close with all of our neighbors. You have to choose who you allow as a part of your community. Your best friend from high school may still be in the same church with you and be a great influence on your children. However, you may have lost touch and only see each other on social media. You set the rules and boundaries because you are responsible before God for who you allow as a part of your children’s community.
We are not called to be “Lone Ranger Christians”, and we are not “Lone Ranger Parents” either. We live and work in a community. People were not meant to live alone. Center your family on the Word of God, and surround yourself with godly people. However, everyone you know doesn’t automatically get access to your children. You decide on the boundaries for your family. Be active in your church and rely on the wisdom and experience of those who have parented before you. Go to them for prayer, encouragement, and advice. Allow your children to cultivate relationships with others who will point them to Christ.